Resident Evil:One Last Time
by ResidentEvilMaster
Summary: What happens when you cross cheesy humor with Resident Evil. And a midget. One sex scene. My first fic.
1. In the Beginning

RESIDENT EVIL:ONE LAST TIME  
  
(I do not own ANY characters in this Fanfic.)  
  
Jill Valentine, Chris Redfield, Claire Redfield, Leon Kennedy, Rebecca Chambers. The names about to make history.  
  
Leon, Claire and and Jill sat at the table going over the plans to bring down umbrella once more while Chris and Rebecca pack thier equiptment. They had recieved word from a mole in Umbrella and found the location of their main HQ building. It was in the middle of the Bermuda triangle. They had plotted to bring down umbrella for good this time. "Someone please tell me why were going into the Bermuda triangle again?"Rebecca whined. "To destroy umbrella and beat the shit out of some more zombies." Chris Replied. "Chris, Where the hell did you get this equiptment?" Rebecca asked him. "Oh.....Actually, I have some friends in the army and Air force..." He answered. "I see." She responded.  
  
After some more plotting and readying, the crew of five boarded a helicopter and took off for the HQ. When they got within a mile of it, the choppers controls went haywire and they all parachuted out. That is, all eccept for chris; the pilot. He tried to get the controls fixed. "CRAP! THE CONTROLS WONT MOVE!"Chris yelled to himself. The helicopter plummeted for umbrellas base, and when it hit the ground, it skidded for maybe 20 yards untill it came to a halt and exploded. About 15 feet away from the wreckage, Chris Redfields body lay unconscious.  
  
From her point of view, Rebecca thought Chris was dead. She let out a silent mutter and a tear rolled down her cheek "Chris ...no....". Claire was visibly balling her eyes out but continues swimming towards the base.  
  
From Leons point of view, he had never really known chris so it didnt hit him as hard. However, he was pissed that he had to swim there and now hated umbrella witha passion; more so than before. He had a thing about protecting Claire and now that she was crying rather hard he decided that he would avenge Chris' death for her.  
  
Jill Mourned the loss of her comrade chris silently. She now wondered if maybe he was still alive; and swam as fast as she could to get to the shore.  
  
After some swimming, the now four person group proceedes to try and make it to the position of the downed helicopter. The smoke from the helicopter died and the group wandered aimlessly. Rebecca and claire began to call out to Chris.  
  
After a little while, Chris regained consciousness and heard people calling his name. He could hear the sound of a plane overhead. He looked up at it. Then it exploded. Chris put a very puzzled look on his face then noticed what the plane had spelled out with smoke. "Eat...at...Frank's?" Chris Laughed to himself, then got whacked in the face with a piece of falling plane. "Ouch." He mumbled. He began to go in the direction of the voices, with his glock drawn.  
  
Claire, Rebecca, Jill and Leon all heard the explosion and ran in the direction of it, hoping it was Chris. After about a minute of running, Claire ran directly into a tall, muscular man, wearing...nothing. Nothing at all. She looked up and blushed. Then noticed that his eyes were a shade of milky white. She turned and tried to crawl away but he grabbed her by the neck and threw her against a tree. The rest of the group began to fire upon "it" and it proceded towards them. It smacked Leon out of its way and kicked Jill in the stomach. He then grabbed Rebecca by the neck and raised his free hand behind his head. He was about to decapatate her with a punch, but was shot in the back of the head by Chris. Blood sprayed all over her face and white Body Armor. He released his grip and dropped her to the floor, before falling backwards himself. Claire and Rebecca ran over to him and gave Chris a hug while Jill tried to catch her breath and Leon rubbed his side.  
  
After the reunion, the small group proceded towards the main complex. They got to the front door and opened it. Inside, there were a few people with knives fighting off a menacing horde of zombies. Chris, Claire, Leon, and Rebecca made their way past the zombies and ran down the hall, around the corner and into a zombie. The zombie fell over and the group ran by. They entered the next room to find a petite woman being bitten by a zombie. As it took the bite, the woman fell on to her knees, then her side and a small pool of blood formed around her. Chris shot the zombie through the throat, then proceded to check the womans pulse. "Shes dead." Chris spoke. "What gave you that idea? The pool of blood around her, or the fact that you watched her die?" Leon said cockily. "Uh...both actually." Chris replied. Just then, the doorknob began to turn and the door shook. After doing this three times, the horde of zombies burst through. Chris and his group ran out the door and the zombies chased them. They ran down a hallway, up a staircase, through a door and ended up in a monitor room. Chris pushed a conviently placed couch infront of the door to work as a barricade. The door shook a few times then stopped. The sound of the undead scuffling around could be heard outside the door. Eventually, the undead burst through the door next to the one they were in and the sounds of a handgun firing at them. Then something horrifying became evident. "...Wheres Jill?" Chris asked in a stressed voice. After a quick look around, they noticed that maybe they had lost her in the horde. A look of horror crossed their faces. "What if those shots were Jill? What if Jill was trying to get the door open?" Chris throught. "Well someone better go look-" Chris began to speak, but was cut off by his sister "Uh-uh! No! Jill's a big girl, she can handle herself." Chris closed his mouth and sat on a chair. "More like has big girls..." He mumbled. "I heard that." Rebecca said and playfully punched him in the arm.  
  
Jill ran down the hall, separated from the group. She saw them go into a room, but when She tried the door, it wouldnt go. She ran into the next room. And turned around. She raised her handgun and let out a few shots. She managed to kill about 3 zombies and kept running.She turned and shot at them again, neglecting to see the zombie coming out from the door behind her. He grabbeh her and took a bite out of her shoulder. She winced in pain and tried to shake him off. He got another bite out of her arm and then she managed to shake him to the ground. The zombies almost caught up with her. She ran through the open door, clutching her arm, blood oozing trough her fingers. It was a store room. She slammed the door behind her and quickly pushed a large steel file cabnet in front of the door. It shook, but it held. The zombies scuffled on. Jill searched the room for 10 minutes only to find nothing. She leaned against the wall, desperately trying to stay on her feet. She had gotten dizzy from the blood loss. She searched the file cabnet infront of the door to find a towel and some bandages. She applied the bandages quickly and leaned against the wall. She wiped the blood from her hands and sweat from her face with the towel. After a few minutes, she fell soundly asleep. 


	2. The Midget, And The Nympho Plant

RESIDENT EVIL:ONE LAST TIME Chapter 2 (I don't own Trigun, Resident Evil, Cowboy bebop, or anything in my fanfiction. But I can assure whoever does is probably laughing at us.)  
  
Morning, Day Two.  
  
In the store room, Jill awakes to a loud thumping at the door and a the file cabnet being almost tipped over. She hears a voice she'd hope never to hear again. "STARS...." Jill gets up and points her handgun at the door. She backs away and the file cabnet shoots across the room. The door flies off its hinges to reveal....A 3 1/2 FOOT TALL NEMESIS!? Jill lets out a small chuckle and thewn remembers her last encounter with Nemesis. Even if hes was now 3 1/2 feet tall, he was probably a still formidable opponent. Mini-Nemesis runs to Jill, getting shot all the way. Jill rolls out of the way just as he is running towars her. He runs into the wall and knocks himself senseless. "...Uh...Thats pretty fucked up right there." Jill thinks audibly. She picks up the white boxc he drops. It contains a Benelli M3S shotgun. She loads the shells provided and walks out of the room.  
  
In the monitor room, Rebecca, Chris, Leon and Claire awake from a groggy sleep. They just then realize the power is on, and check the monitors to see Jill fighting off a midget, and in the kennel area of the base, a dog humping a zombies leg. Everyone looks a little disgusted. After un- barricading the door, they leave the room, headed in the direction they saw Jill leave in.  
  
After large amounts of walking, and zombie-blasating, Jill comes across a room labeled "Plant Division". She enters and is sweeped of her feet by a 20-foot tall plants tentacle. "AAHH! SOMEBODY FUCKIN' HELP ME!" She screamed. She had encountered this creature before, in the Spencer Mansion. And it had been killed by ever-faithful Barry Burton. Infact, he had saver her ass twice now. In the Spencer Mansion, and he had helped her escape Raccoon City when it was decimated by the missile. The plant threw her against a wall, knocking the breath out of her. The plant picks her up again and rips her clothes off. She knows whats coming and lets one last scream out before she begins crying un-controlably and is gagged. "HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLP-MPH*  
  
Chris and his group, hearing a scream, hoping it was Jill, head in the direction it came from. The approach a door labeled "Plant Division". They enter and behold a...disturbing image. A huge plant has stripped jill of her clothes, while she is and has begun to probe a tentacle in and out of her womanhood. It has one Suction cup placed on each of her nipples, and one tentacle in her mouth. She also has one tentacle in her ass and has several wraped around her waist. She'd call out if she wasnt gagged by the one her mouth. Tears stream down her face as the group watches helpless. The group would be firing at the tentacles holding Jill, but they were afraid they'd hit her. This goes on for about ten munutes untill the plant releases some sort of green-ish juices into her. It then flings her at the group as hard as it can. She hits Rebecca square in the stomach and knocks her and herself down. The rest of the group begins firing at the group and the image gets blurrier. The last thing she sees is Rebecca kneeling beside her and the rest of the group fighting the plant. Rebecca yells something to to her, but she hears nothing. Finally, all she sees is black... 


	3. The return of the midget, death of the m...

RESIDENT EVIL:ONE LAST TIME Chapter 4  
  
Jill awakes in the smae room. Its pitch black outside. She observes that theres a gaping hole in the roof of the room, and that the plant lay dead,stretched across the floor. She looks around some more to find leons body lay on the groud, motionless. Chris was leaned against the wall, Claire leaned against him. Rebecca was laying on the ground, Sleeping. Jill had a throbbing headache at this point so she just went back to sleep.  
  
She awakes the next morning. Chris is shaking her. Claire is curled up in the corner and Rebecca is still laying on the ground. "Hey. Good to see youre awake." He says. "What the hell happened?" She manages, half asleep. "Well....We lost Leon through half the fight. That sonnavabitch plant choked him to death. Claire was relatively unharmed....physically, anyways. Rebecca was taking care of you, and as for me, It just knocked me around a little, thats all." He says in a soft voice. "Oh. That sucks." She says. She had never really liked Leon in the first place, he was always a little too cocky for her. "well...Lets ger you dressed." He said. She had just realized that she was still naked, other than rebeccas bullet-proof vest covering her upper half. "Oh...Right..." She replied, blushing. After some dressing and scavenging, Everyone from the crew, or at least, everyone still alive, is awake. They leave the room and walk down a hallway. They evter a room labeled "Domitory 6". Inside, They find a researcher, hanging from the ceiling. He had a letter in his shirt pocket. It reads "4. Itchy. Tasty." After reading aloud, Chris looks around and says "Yes, 4 Itchy Tasty indeed." Upon further examination of the room, there are posters on the wall. 4 Posters of models in bikinis, a poster labeled "Ballscratch" and a poster with a picture of a bird, labeled "Seagul. the other, other, other white meat." "Well....I guess that makes sense" Says a confused Rebecca. They do however, find a Grenade Launcher and a Magnum. Chris takes the magnum and Rebecca the Grenade Launcher. The group leaves the room an heads down the hallway. The come across a door labeled "Porno Room". Chris tries frustratedly to get the door open. Its locked. White liquid is leaking from underneath the door. The group continues on down the hallway. The hallway ends with a door labeled "Pool, Spa & Locker Rooms" The group enters. "Well, I could do for a swim!" Chris says enthuastically. Chris runs in to the locker room. Jill & co. Head into their respective locker room. About five minutes later, Chris is peeking into the locker room, watching the girls undress. He goes back to his locker and changes quickly. After a good half hour or so of swimming, they go back into the locker room and hit the showers. Chris peek in once more; Then hurries back and takes his own shower. he gets dressed and sits at a table located near the pool. He then notices that theres a shiny object beside a ventilation shaft near the floor. He reaches down to get it and a hand grasbs it. He grabs the hand. "MY SHINY! YOU CANT HAVE IT!" He grabs the keycard out of the hand and sits back down. He examines the shiny object to find its a key. Its labeled "Porno Room" Chris begins Dancig and dances for a good five minutes, untill he hears the girls laughing hysterically at his bad dancing. "What are you so happy about?" Claire asks through all the laughter. "I gots a shiny. Its the Porno shiny-I mean key." The laughter faded into a more of a....Unhappy forced chuckle. They all go to the porno room. When theyre about to open the door, they see a midget down the hallway. "STARS...." They open the door quickly and hurry in. Chris, being the last one in, locks the door behind him. They make their way through the gizz covered floors and walls to the other side. The group opens the door and it lead them to a staircase. The midget is obviously trying to get the door open-And quickly. They run down the stairs and open the door at the bottom. Its another hallway. They follow it untill the end, a door reading "Helipad & Boiler Room" the enter, and run to the boiler. "Isnt this how-" Rebecaa starts to say. "Not now Rebecca." Chris says as he begins setting the Controls on the boiler to "Self-Destruct" The midget enters. He sets it and an alarm blars from speakers. The run out the other end of the room, the midger hot on their tail. They run onto the helipad and chris and Jill distract the midget while Claire and Rebecca start up the helicopter. The helicopter starts and warms up, and Chris and Jill board it. the midget grabs on and Chris kicks him in the head. "BAD! BAD MIDGET! BAD MIDGET STAY AND GO BOOM!" Ckris continues to kick him untill he falls off. When the midget hits the ground, the base explodes. The group flies off and lands on the outskirts of The town where they live. They all head back to chris house and sleep on the first comfortable place they can find. For Rebecca, that would be the coffe table. For Claire, that means the couch . For chris, that means halfway up the stairs.  
  
THE END Or is it?  
  
~SIX MONTHS LATER, CHRISTMAS~ A knock at the door. Chris answers to a 3 1/2 foot tall person. A midget. "STARS..." Chris kicks him over and kicks him in the head while he's down.The others and, random people off the street join in the kicking. They kick him to death, then bring him inside, shove him in the fireplace, and light him on fire. 


End file.
